1 year and 7 months later

Looking up to Heaven

Did I ever think I was going to get rid of the overwhelming sadness I felt with loosing Bo?  I thought for sure I would feel like this forever.  It's been 1 year and 7 months since he was sent to Heaven.  I think about how long ago that was and shake my head in disbelief.  Sometimes it feels like forever and other days it seems like yesterday.  Where does the time go? 
I lay in bed and right before I go to sleep, I whisper the words "Good night Bo, I love you."  I wait for his sigh.  Wishing.  Hoping. Just to hear it one more time.  But I only imagine what it sounded like.  Releasing his breath from a day's worth of playing. 
Sad thoughts still enter into my mind.  I quickly try to shake them away by only thinking of the good times.  Makes me feel sick to my stomach that it all actually happened.  Knowing he was sick and couldn't keep food or water down, we had to make that decision.  What eats away at me is the timing.  I think we did it at the right time.  I think my vet knew it was time.  But then thoughts of doubt enter my mind.  What if I waited just one more day.  Maybe he just had an upset stomach . . . or was it the cancer taking over?  God, I'll never know. That's the million dollar question.  The unknowing and second guessing myself eats me up sometimes.  I find myself saying, "I'm sorry Bo.  I did what I thought was right."  I look at photos of him 3 days before we made the decision.  He looked sad.  He kept to himself.  He didn't follow my nephew around like he always did.  This was Thanksgiving where he would be the life of the party with all his family  members.  But again, maybe he just had an upset stomach.  God, will I ever find peace with my decision?

I have found that talking with friends and strangers about dealing with loosing a pet has been healing. I became inspired to write in my blog today after emailing the wonderful person we bought Bo from, Connie Marabito.  She recently lost her Omar and is feeling overwhelmed with sadness.  As I wrote an email back to her, I wasn't sure what to say to make her feel better.  Then it came to me!  What did I do to help in the healing process of loosing Bo?  I thought about all the ways I memorialized Bo.  So I write them all down today to see how far I've come.  It's a journey of healing, that's for sure.  It's so cliche, but time does heal.  Actually, I think our memories become fuzzy, the day's activities take over and before you know it, it's 1 year and 7 months later.

• Make up a yard sign.  When people walk past the house, they would see it and ask about Bo. It was good to talk about it. http://www.cafepress.com/
• Find a photo of your pet that makes you happy. You can customize the picture at a photo center to look like an oil painting on canvas.
• Write down your feelings.  This is why I started this blog. Yep, I cried through the whole thing, but that’s the start of healing.
• I had custom license plates put on my car, 4 MY BO.
• Bo's photo was placed in a calendar for canine cancer and proceeds went to help other owners seeking cancer treatment for their dogs. http://www.save-an-angel.org/
• I also met with a pet grief counselor.
• The coolest thing I did was have custom shoes made with Bo’s photo painted on them. http://www.theswanx.com/
• I made a shrine with his photos, collars, tags, etc.
• Cry and cry some more. It’s healing. Let it out.

There will never be another Bo Puster.  He was beyond special and a member of our family.  Everyone that knew Bo, loved him.  I hope he continues to smile in Heaven as he did on earth.  The squirrels still fear your wrath, Bo!




Oil painting on canvas












Yard sign